I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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