your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
