oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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