ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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