Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
