Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
