The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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