READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
