I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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