im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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