she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
