... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize