Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
