I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
