Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
