If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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