i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
