Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
How external is "for external use only"?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
