I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
