she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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