jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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