we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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