I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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