You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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