So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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