so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
