Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
