sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
