if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
