Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
