At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
