so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
this hospital has no fireball
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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