I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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