anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
we're so committed to being not committed
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