why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You were trust falling into bushes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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