does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
