we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
