Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Randomize
