i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
