The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
