i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
high people should be assigned attendants
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
