My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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