I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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