but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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