It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
