Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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