I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
