the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
