We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
