Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Did I show you my penis last night?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
